Do You Find Yourself Playing Small?

Do you have that flicker of a dream in your heart that you keep wrapped in a safe place deep down inside for no one to see? Is it small? Is it big? Is it something beautiful, maybe a relationship, maybe a goal? Maybe you have an idea for a book. Maybe it’s a health goal or maybe it’s a personal development goal. Maybe it’s a financial goal or business idea or something else, a dream job, turning a passion into a career? We all have something, and what tends to happen is that something keeps showing up reminding you that your dream is still there. Sometimes you let yourself daydream about it, all the what if‘s and what it would look like, even if just for a moment. Consider that little light, the flicker or the flame that beckons you, to be your soul’s voice. It’s the flame that if you let it grow, will guide you directly to your purpose in this life.

Have you considered why you haven’t stepped into this life? I’m going to be so audacious to say that it’s because of those pesky little negative, limiting beliefs about yourself. Those thoughts that keep us stuck in fear, anxiety, maybe depression. Sometimes those limiting beliefs run deep. Sometimes they’re rooted in the past in our upbringings, in the things that we experienced and took into our self concepts as children. Anyone else not feeling important growing up in your family dynamics? Do those themes continue to play out in your other relationships, leading you to continually play small, not be seen and heard? It happens to all of us at some level. Maybe it’s a whole childhood of abuse or neglect, being made to feel insignificant, to say the least. Or maybe it wasn’t” that bad”, maybe it was “just“ one really negative experience that stuck with you. Maybe something traumatic happened in your social life, or a relationship that you stayed in for too long, one that started to degrade your sense of who you are, your self-esteem, your confidence and competence. All of those things are ours, the light we are born with, our true self. Somehow along the way, we learned that it’s OK to give that light away to others.

Are some memories coming back to you? Maybe some bad experiences that left you not only feeling, but knowing that you can’t do something, or that you don’t deserve something, or that it’s not meant for you, are surfacing. Sometimes we have to dig deep into those memories so that we can unhook the emotional connection that we have to them. I’ve noticed that a lot of other people who do this work of personal development and growth in their online “coaching“ make it seem so easy to just let it go. As a therapist that has been doing this work for many many many years, the “letting go“ is almost impossible unless you can dig out the root system and start to replace it with a whole new seed and grow that seed into what it is meant to be, like an acorn that turns into a mighty oak tree, it needs the right environment and the right care and the right attention to become what it is meant to be. I want you to sit with some of the memories and thoughts that have come up as you’ve sat here and read this. For some of you, they might be painful, for others they might just sting a little.You’ll know them and you’ll feel them, those are the ones that need some attending to so that you can “let them go“. Don’t be afraid to seek help for a mental health professional to help you. It can be the difference between a “good enough” life and a freaking AMAZING one!

Playing small is easy. Stepping into your greatness is simple, but it can be challenging.

Come with me for a minute or two. Think about the big reasons that keep you from the life you want. Is it fear of failure? Fear of what if? Fear of something else? Is it all the reasons why you can’t? Not enough time, money, skills, support, ability? Is it someone telling you that you can’t? Think about your reasons why…..Now, on an inhale, a big inhale, whisper the words “I can”. Hold your breath at the top, and on your exhale breathe out one or two of your reasons why you think you can’t. Now, on the next inhale, whisper, ”It’s possible”. Hold it at the top, and on the exhale let go of your “I can’ts” again. The next inhale, bring into your body and mind, “I am deserving”. Hold it at the top, then get rid of more of your can’ts. Inhale, bring into your consciousness, “I can”. Lastly, add to your exhale, “I choose to let go of all the I can’ts” Be mindful of your breath. Be mindful of your words.

Do this exercise in the morning, when you’re driving, in the afternoon, in the evening, before bed, whenever and however often you think about it. Adults breathe about 25,000 times a day. Pick a few of those and do this! Do it for a day, and let me know how it feels. Do it for a week, and share how it changes your thoughts and feelings. Do it for a month and tell me all the ways your life has changed. Our thoughts are very powerful. What we tell ourselves dictates how we feel and what we do.

Playing small may be easy, but the consequences can be great. We all have gifts that we are meant to share with this world, with the people around us. When we hide our light, or ignore that it’s even there, we dim the beauty of the healing light that runs through each and every one of us. This time and space needs every single lumen to be able to reach every corner of shadows and darkness that plagues our world. Let’s all do our part and fulfill the potential that we each have inside. Just like inside every acorn is the possibility of a mighty oak tree, we each have our own greatness that is just waiting to revealed.

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